


The Consequences of Hangovers, One-Night-Stands and Broken Hearts

by KnuxadowManiac



Series: Consequences [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Comfort Sex, Emotional Support, Friends With Benefits, Hangover, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masochism, One-Sided Attraction, Rough Sex, Stalking, Terminal Illnesses, Verbal Abuse, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-03-11 14:17:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3329351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnuxadowManiac/pseuds/KnuxadowManiac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Consequences of Drunken Decisions'; After Mikado got left alone and heartbroken, it is an unexpected person who tries to mend the wounds of his soul. "If my favorite play toy is broken, it's only natural that I will try to fix it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Mikado woke up to the sound of his cell phone buzzing next to his head. It sounded like a bulldozer. God, his heart hurt like a bitch. Groaning annoyed, the teen grabbed the device and was about to toss it far, far away, when realization hit him. This was not his apartment. This was not his bed. Suddenly all the events from the past night flooded back to him. How he had drunk his brains away in that bar in an attempt to dull the heartache he felt after Kida's sudden disappearance; how he on a drunken whim followed a certain psychotic informant back to his apartment and how they practically jumped each other. Oh right, he lost his virginity. Great, just great, Mikado. Way to go. Groaning in pain from the soring throbbing in his head, the teen sat up slowly, fighting the urge to just turn his head to the bedside and hurl on the fucking ground, because  _shit_  was he feeling sick to his stomach and his head was spinning-…

Upon sitting up, a sharp pain shot up the brunette's spine and made the boy let out an agonized cry, followed by a stream of curses the teen would usually get shocked upon only hearing them, let alone ever using them. Thinking back on it, of course his backside would be sore as hell, after all it had to endure the last night and-

And why was he even remembering all of that so clearly?! Don't people usually have one of those glorious blackouts after drinking so much? Apparently, the gods of luck didn't seem to be smiling upon him, because apart from having the worst hangover in the history of all hangovers and the stabbing pain in his ass, his whole body was feeling so sore and achy that Mikado briefly wondered if he might have been run over by a car. Well, then again, cars didn't leave hickeys and bite marks all over your skin…

Mikado groaned again, feeling the sudden desire to just curl into a ball and sob, as he pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his throbbing head upon them, trying to rationalize his thoughts.

Okay, he had had sex with Orihara Izaya. Several times, in fact. He had willingly complied with it, so it couldn't be considered rape (even if he had been drunk). To top it all off, they had done very, very,  _very_  lewd things that Mikado didn't even want to  _think_  about… he had been naked, exposed, panting, moaning, begging. He had called the other male  _master_ ,  _Sir_  and  _-sama_ , had said incredibly dirty things and had exposed his masochistic likings to the informant. He had no idea how he would ever be able to live that down.

The only thing that Mikado was  _really_ thankful for was that he did, in fact, wake up alone. No signs of the raven haired male were to be seen and the teen appreciated this much. Now he just needed to think of a way to get out of here somehow without getting noticed by the elder…

God, thinking was so hard right now, if just his head would stop hurting like that…

Okay, problem number one in his escape plan: he didn't know his way around in Shinjuku (he was pretty sure that this was where the informant lived). He also probably had no money with him to take a cab or the train.

Which was kind of connected to problem number two: he was stark naked right now and his clothes were spread somewhere in the raven's apartment. Collecting them while being completely naked and without knowing whether the informant was maybe still somewhere around wasn't anything that the brunette looked forward to doing.

And problem number three- oh god, how was he even supposed to be able to think with this goddamn fucking noise all the time, what the shit was that even- oh right his cell phone…

Forcing himself to lift his head off his knees and crack a heavy eyelid open, the grumpy teen looked at the screen. Someone was calling him. Wow, they were certainly persistent. Couldn't they get a clue, if he didn't pick up after the 23th ring, he was probably not going to pick up if they kept ringing for another 10 minutes because he either had his phone on silent mode or simply didn't feel like picking up. In Mikado's case it was kind of both. He considered switching the device off completely, so the buzzing from the phone vibrating wouldn't bother him anymore, when he finally looked at the Caller ID.

Kida Masaomi.

_Kida Masaomi. Kida Masaomi._ _Kida Masaomi. Masaomi was calling him._

Without even wasting a second thought, the teen practically jabbed the 'answer' button and brought the device to his ear.

"K-Kida-kun..!", he almost shouted into the phone, tears welling up in his eyes, thoughts about his best friend occupying his mind. His best friend who had left without a word. His best friend who he hadn't been able to contact all this time, like he had fallen off the face of earth. His best friend who he couldn't stop thinking about.

"MIKADO! Ryuugamine Mikado, you little-! Do you know for how long I have been trying to contact you?!", his best friend yelled at him from the other side of the line, making the hung-over teen wince in pain and hold the device away from his ear because the noise was causing his head to feel like it was being split in half.

_He had been worrying about me. He tried to contact me. He wants to come back, I'm sure, he'll come back to me and we can return to how we were before-_

"Where are you right now?!", the enraged teenager on the phone growled. "Please tell me you are not at this guy's place, please tell me this picture was just photoshop or something or-"

Wait. Kida was not calling because he missed Mikado and wanted to come back to him. The brunette remembered now.

_"Eeh? But_ _Mi-ka-do_ _-kun~", the sly raven hummed, emphasizing every syllable with a hard thrust of his hips, that drew out wanton moans and whimpers from the blue eyed teen, who was once again drooling shamelessly, completely lost in the pleasure._

_"With you enjoying it like that, it can hardly be called a punishment, now can it~?", the elder mused, before grabbing his cellphone from his nightstand. The action went unnoticed by the writhing teen, who was desperately biting down on his knuckles to not let his voice out too loud as his prostate was abused mercilessly. Grinning like a madman, Izaya chirped:_

_"Hey Mikado. Say '_ _cheese_ _'~!"_

_Before shooting a quick photo of the young Dollar's leader he was currently fucking and pressed SEND._

_Mikado's eyes went almost comically wide when he realized what the informant just did. Sitting up quickly, he tried to snatch the cell from the chuckling madman, but was pushed down again by the stronger male, who began thrusting into the boy again._

_"W-what…hhn..did you do..? P-please…don't tell me you send it..aaaghh…to s-someone..?!", he forced out between gasps and moans, tried to fight the pleasure that was once again starting to cloud his mind._

_"Why are you asking if you already know the answer, Mikado-chan~?", the elder replied innocently, before sweeping down to bite the teen's nipple hard, pushing the student over the edge, climaxing too with the small brunette's walls tightening around his member._

_Mikado let his head fall back into the pillow, eyes closed and chest heaving with heavy gasps for air._

_"P-please…don't tell me..you send it to…", the teen begged, hoping his expectations would be betrayed._

_Izaya just grinned. "You know me."_

That bastard Izaya had actually made of photo of him during sex and sent it to his best friend. Mikado really hoped the raven only got his upper body on the photo; maybe he would be able to talk himself out of this, using an excuse-

Wait. No, why should he excuse himself. Kida wasn't calling because he was  _worried_ about him; he was calling because he was  _angry_  at Mikado for doing something stupid.

That colossal moron didn't even ask if he was okay. The young gang leader's joy slowly faded, and confusion, disappointment, frustration and most of all, anger started to rise within him.

Gritting his teeth, he barked back at his rambling friend.

"So yeah, I had sex with Izaya. Very dirty sex and I enjoyed it very much. Mind your own fucking business. Don't try to meddle with my life when you're no longer a part of it. NOW FUCK OFF."

Before the faux-blonde could even process what just happened, Mikado already ended the call.

He just told his best friend to fuck off. And he didn't regret it one bit.

In that moment, the brunette realized something important:

His old self, the quiet, shy and polite Ryuugamine Mikado was dead. He died the day his one and only true love and best friend disappeared, without a word, without a good-bye, without giving him a chance to confess his feelings.

He was buried on the day when a small, broken, vulnerable teen drowned his aching heart in alcohol, hoping desperately to forget, or to disappear, because anything was better than living with his pain.

The current Ryuugamine Mikado was nothing but a hollow shell, without a purpose in life. Without a hope for love. Why would a useless shell like that need to put up a front?

There was no need to pretend anymore, to fake, to hide.

There was no need to be nice anymore; he was going to let the world see all his ugly sides. Because he didn't care anymore. He didn't have a person to care for anymore.

-xxx-

After this emotionally stirring phone call, Mikado decided it was wiser to switch his cell phone off completely, but not before deleting all of his contacts on a whim and blocking Kida's number. Taking one wobbly step after another, the brunette slowly made his way to the door, hissing at the stabbing pain in his backside. Opening the door slowly, he cautiously stuck his head out, checking if anyone was in the corridor (a certain Informant), but luckily the man was not be seen.

Limping horribly, the teen somehow managed to make his way down the stairs into the spacious living room, where he luckily spotted discarded pieces of his clothing. Putting on his underwear and trousers first, he looked around for his shirt, only to realize that it was completely unusable due to being cut open and ripped into shreds. To his great relief, he found his green white jacket more or less intact, so he put it on and zipped it up all the way. At least he wouldn't have to go home half-naked.

Now if he only could find his shoes…

He had just knelt down on the carpet to search under the couch when he heard noise coming from upstairs.

_Oh shit._

Apparently, Izaya hadn't left the house yet. Panicking, Mikado decided to give up on his shoes and scurried to the door as fast as his shaky legs and hurting back allowed it, but he was not fast enough.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Hand hovering inches from the door knob, Mikado cursed silently before turning around to the voice that just had called out to him.

There in front of him stood none other than Orihara Izaya, arms crossed in front of his chest and disapproving frown on his face. Mikado was already used to the man's ridiculously irresistible attractiveness (this was really not fair, why was it always the assholes who looked so forbidden good?), but the sight before him was simply  _breathtaking_  in the literal sense, as Mikado's breath stopped for a second when he saw the raven being not only naked except for a towel slung around the raven's slim hips loosely, but also dripping wet, since the man seemed to come right from the shower.

The young dollars leader swallowed hard when his eyes slid over the other's toned body, glistening with water drops; slapping himself mentally, he tore his gaze away and instead gave the informant a short glare, before turning back to the door.

"I'm going home. Bye.", he declared courtly, but before he could even open the door he was yanked back rather harshly by his collar, drawing a startled yelp from him.

Angry blue eyes flew up to give the raven the nastiest glare he could muster.

"What's your fucking problem?! Let me go already!", the teen spat, struggling against the informant's hold who was now dragging the fighting brunette back into the apartment by the collar.

"You think you can just sneak away unnoticed, after what happened last night?"

Mikado ceased his struggles for a bit, puzzled azure orbs blinking a few times in confusion.

_You gotta be kidding, right? Orihara Izaya doesn't like being treated like a one-night-stand?_

The situation would be downright hilarious, if it wouldn't be happening to him, unfortunately.

The teen stumbled as he was rather roughly pushed into the kitchen by the raven, who now stood with crossed arms in the door frame, blocking off the only escape route for the brunette.

"You're going to eat breakfast with me.", the informant more ordered than requested.

_You really gotta be shitting me._

"W-What..? No! What the hell are you on about?!", Mikado raged, but then winced with a small groan when the volume of his own voice caused his headache to worsen again.

Izaya just raised an amused eyebrow at him, stepping into the kitchen to prepare some coffee he was sure the teen would appreciate.

"It's kind of unexpected to hear the polite and timid Mikado-kun be all foul-mouthed and rude all of a sudden. Are you always like that in the morning?", the raven snickered, handing the grumpy student a cup of the steaming hot liquid which the brunette took with a small grunt that could barely qualify as 'Thank you', but Izaya generously overlooked it.

"I'm always like that whenever I'm with people who annoy the fuck out of me.", Mikado growled darkly, taking a sip of the coffee. Shit, that stuff was strong.

Once again, the informant overlooked the insult, smirking quietly in response before replying casually:

"You didn't find me so annoying when you clawed my back in ecstasy while I fucked you last night."

Mikado almost choked on his coffee, flushing several shades of red at the elder's statement.

"Y-You..! I-I..That was just-!", the teen sputtered in anger and embarrassment, but eventually just took a long and irritated sigh, putting his cup down. "You know what? Yes, we had sex. I was drunk, you were available, no big deal. It won't happen again. And now I'm going to leave.  _Good bye_."

Just as the brunette turned to leave, he was grabbed by the wrist harshly and yanked back by the raven. The man's crimson eyes were flaring with anger as he watched the boy wince slightly in pain when he twisted the teen's arm back painfully. Infuriated, Mikado opened his mouth to yell at the man restraining him, when suddenly the raven's other hand came down on his cheek hard.

_Did…did that guy just slap me..?_

Before the young dollars leader could even form another thought, he was slapped again, even harder, and again, and again until his cheeks burned painfully.

"O-Oww! What the shit are you doing, you bastard?!", the teen cursed outraged, his free hand coming up to hold his bruised and hurting face.

"Isn't that what you want?", the raven asked nonchalantly, ignoring the teen's puzzled and angry expression.

"You are a masochist, right?", he continued calmly, slowly loosening his grip on the brunette's wrist. "You got left by your dear Kida-kun and now you want something to distract you from that pain. This is why you slept with me."

Mikado didn't know how to answer that; when deep down inside he knew that every single word the other spoke was right. Instead of trying to deny it, he leaned back on the counter, hand still cupping his hurting swollen cheek and silently glared the sly informant.

"So what?"

A grin suddenly broke out on the raven's handsome features and he pried the teen's hand away from the brunette's face gently, before caressing the red bruised skin with his thumb.

"Kida-kun is a jerk. You know that. He won't come back, he's got his little Saki-chan after all.", the elder spoke smirking, loving the way the frail-looking student flinched under his touch.

"W-Why are you telling me this now?", Mikado muttered sullenly, trying not to show how much the Informants words hurt him.

"It's easy.", Izaya chirped, long fingers sliding down the side of the teen's face to tilt up his chin, making the young gang leader look him in the eye. "Now that Kida is history, you can fall in love with me, right?"

-xxx-

He must have heard wrong. There was no way Orihara Izaya just really said that, right?

"What a tasteless joke.", the teen muttered, slapping the elder's hand away from his face with a glare. His cheeks still hurt as hell. He didn't have to hit him that hard.

"I'm not joking.", the raven said simply, scrutinizing the boy with an unreadable expression. The brunette looked so cute with his cheeks red and swollen like that, he would love to do that to the teen's ass too…

Mikado remained silent for a while, trying to get behind the other's intentions. Finally, he let out another sigh and picked his coffee mug up again, taking a small sip.

"Love..is not that easy.", he answered simply, not bothering to look at the informant as he spoke.

Izaya's face turned into a displeased frown, like a small child who was told he was not allowed to play with his favorite toy.

"Why do you humans always make things so complicated? Fall in love with me already!"

"No." The madman's childish demands fell upon deaf ears with the teen, who was pretty sure he figured out the informant's motivation for his strange actions.

The psychotic man was just looking for another interesting game. Well, he was not a babysitter; so he felt no obligation to play along with the raven's stupid antics. All he wanted to was get back to his apartment, finally take a shower and cry himself to sleep afterwards. Was that really so much to ask for?

Putting an offended pout on his face, the raven leaned against the counter next to the young brunette, who drank his coffee in silence.

"But you can't deny that our bodies are very compatible."

For the second time this morning, Mikado almost chocked on his coffee.

"Won't you ever shut up about that?! We had sex one time, that doesn't make us lo-..lovers or anything.", the dollars leader mumbled while averting his gaze, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"That's not entirely true, Mikado-kun~ I counted 7 times, in fact.", the elder chuckled with devilish mirth glinting in his eyes. The brunette's blush went several shades darker at his words, but still the boy would avoid looking at the informant.

"I-It's not about how many times we did it last night. I'm saying that this is a one-time thing and won't happen again.  _Ever._ "

Izaya just hummed musingly, taking the cup away from the teen and putting aside, caging the young student against the counter.

"Hmm~ I wonder about that.", the raven purred lowly, leaning in slowly to the flustered and irritated teen, two fingers slowly walking up the boy's chest until they came to play with the zipper of the brunette's jacket.

Mikado swallowed hard, not sure where to direct his gaze because wherever he looked he was confronted with the practically naked and sinfully attractive body of the underground informant.

"I-I mean it, Izaya. Get your paws off me.", the teen managed to get out, but the effect of his harsh words was dimmed by the bright blush that spread on his features.

"Oho~ First name and not even a honorific.", the taller male chirped, slowly dragging down the zipper of the boy's jacket, as if he was unwrapping a long-awaited gift. "Either you were trying to be rude or you were feeling the intimacy between us."

The raven licked his lips predatorily when the young gang leader's skinny chest and flat stomach were exposed to his hungry gaze. The skin looked just as soft as it had felt last night, even if there were a few bruises, hickeys and bite marks which could be blamed on the raven.

"I was trying to be rude.", the teen deadpanned coldly, trying to cover his exposed torso again, but his hands were pried away by Izaya. A small pathetic whimper escaped his lips when the informant's thumbs came to stroke the livid bruises on his hip bone, where he had been inconveniently bent over the sharp edge of the office desk last night.

"T-That hurts…", Mikado murmured quietly, flinching when the raven leant in to kiss his neck, small shivers running down his spine when the elder's hot tongue started licking at the hickeys there slowly.

"Hnn…s-stop that..", he whined softly, knees starting to feel weak when Izaya started kissing his jaw. The rougher the raven had been last night, the gentler he was being this morning with the brunette's sore body. It almost made Mikado's heart skip a little. Almost.

"No seriously..stop it…", the brunette managed to get out, weak hands coming to up to the man's broad chest in a feeble attempt to push the elder away.

"Hm~ Why should I~?", the informant hummed happily, licking and kissing a sensitive spot behind the smaller male's ear. Suddenly, Mikado pushed stronger against the raven's chest, turning his head away from man's advances.

"Because I think I might throw up any second…", the teen forced out before turning over and hurling the contents of his stomach (a half cup of coffee) into the sink.

Izaya stared a second at the brunette, who slowly straightened back up with a miserable groan and wiped his mouth; before the man suddenly broke out into laughter.

The informant laughed holding his stomach; the disgruntled glare he received from the brunette only made him laugh harder, amplifying the doubts the young dollars leader had had about the man's sanity.

"Feeling better now?", Izaya managed to get out once he finally succeeded in stifling his giggles.

Mikado just gave him another murderous glare and a frown in return.

"Yes, a bit.", he finally replied, wiping his mouth again, not really bothered by the fact that he just puked into Shinjuku's most feared informant's sink and not even apologized for it.

"Great~! Then let's eat breakfast now!", the raven chimed cheerily, throwing an arm over the grumpy teenager's hunched, small frame, earning a growl in response.

"Spare me."

-xxx-

"Izaya.", the teen complained with an exasperated sigh, after having endured almost an hour of one-sided conversation from the raven and eating breakfast with the elder (meaning bits and pieces of food being stuffed into his mouth and forced down his throat by the persistent informant); his hangover was still not fully over and his patience was running out.

"Can I now  _please_ go home already..?", he begged, aching head resting on the gloriously cold surface of the dining table they were sitting at.

"I'll let you go on two conditions.", Izaya finally complied, unwillingly.

"R-Really?", the teen rose his head, blue eyes blinking up at auburn ones hopefully.

The informant gave a short nod, before finally sticking his hand out to the boy. "Give me your cell phone."

Raising an eyebrow in confusion, the brunette lazily fished out the device from his pocket and handed it to the elder, who switched on the boy's cell phone, typed some things in, then typed something in his own phone, before handing the device back to the teen.

"I gave you my phone number. If you don't call me at least once a day, I will call the police and tell them to give you a visit. I'm sure you don't want that kind of hassle."

Furrowing his brows in confusion and irritation, Mikado just gave an affirmative grunt, before putting his cell back into the pocket of his jacket.

_Wait..doesn't my cell phone require a PIN code? How did he-…on second thought, never mind._

"And what's the second condition? Hurry up, I wanna go home.", Mikado asked bored, resting his chin upon the palm of his hand.

Suddenly, the raven leaned close to him, piercing crimson eyes staring intensely into his. Why the serious expression, all of a sudden?

"The second thing is: should you ever even  _consider_  harming yourself in any way, I will personally call Kida-kun and tell him every single detail of our sex escapades. I've got cameras installed in your house, so don't think I wouldn't notice. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir.", Mikado gulped, wide blue eyes blinking back at the informant in surprise.

_Did he just say he installed cameras in my apartment..?_

"Don't worry, I'm not suicidal.", the teen spoke, while pushing his chair away from the table and standing up slowly, wincing once again from the pain in his limbs and backside.

"I've found other ways of hurting myself.", the teen stated with a somehow blank expression, looking Izaya directly in the eye.

Knowing what the brunette had been hinting at, the raven faked a pout, standing up to accompany the limping student to the door.

"That's harsh, Mikado! You make our passionate night together sound not romantic at all!", the Informant complained, leaning against the door frame after he helped the young gang leader find his shoes.

"I'm not just making it sound like that. It was just a one-night-stand. Get over it.", the teen muttered, struggling with putting on his shoes with the limited flexibility his sore body offered him. Eventually, he succeeded, limping over to the door where the still very much unclothed informant leaned.

"Hey Mikado.", the raven called out to him, as he passed the man.

"What is it?", he growled annoyed, stopping after he exited the madman's apartment through the door.

Izaya just flashed him a playful smile, before purring lowly: "Take care, Sweetheart."

…

"Shut up."

-xxx-

Mikado wasn't even sure anymore how he managed to get back to Ikebukuro. It most probably involved a very nice cab driver who somehow thought he had been beat up by a color gang (well, he had been limping awfully after all) and didn't charge him for the ride home.

Once the teen finally arrived in his apartment, he locked the door behind himself and for good measures decided to block the door with a chair too (in case a certain creepy stalker informant decided to pay him an unexpected visit), before discarding his clothes again and stepping under the shower, turning the water so hot he almost burned himself.

Sliding down with his back against the cold tiled wall, he pulled his knees to his chest, hugging his legs closely, ignoring the stabbing pain in his backside the sitting position brought him and started sobbing softly.

He didn't really cry because of something particular. He simply cried because he was so tired of holding the tears back. He cried because it made him feel like he was still alive somehow.

The hot water pouring down his skin mingled with his salty tears; it gave the teen some sort of safety, knowing that no one could see him right now, there would be no evidence of his weakness.

The brunette kept sobbing for another few minutes, until he felt the water pouring down slowly get colder and the flow of his tears cease. Sniffling, the young gang leader pushed his aching body up, wiping his eyes a last time before turning off the shower and stepping out of it, drying himself off with a towel.

Stepping in his bed-/livingroom somehow groggily, Mikado put on a shirt and some loose sweat pants and then let himself fall into his futon unceremoniously.

The teen didn't even bother covering himself with the blanket as he drifted off to sleep already, with his face in his pillow. The last thing flashing through his mind before he finally fell asleep was, that despite this horrible situation he was in, for the first time since Kida's disappearance he had felt the urge to smile today. And the cause for that had been a childish, unreasonable, maniac informant.

Maybe…just maybe…he wasn't so alone after all.

-xxx-

Mikado woke up to a strange weight on his body and a voice calling out to him.

"Mikado-chan~ Time to wake up!"

The teen's eyes flew open only to be confronted with gleaming crimson orbs, the informant's face looming only inches over his. Letting out a startled cry, he punched the others face out of reflex.

A pained groan and the weight lifting off him informed the brunette that he accidently hit the raven's nose. Being wide awake now, still breathing heavily from the shock, Mikado sat up, looking at the man sitting across him, holding his hurting nose.

"That hurt, Mikado!", the elder whined with an accusing look upon his handsome face.

"W-What are you doing here in my apartment..?! Did you..Did you break in?", the brunette stuttered out shocked, his racing heart pace slowly calming down again.

"Don't make such a great deal out of this, Mikado. Not like it's the first time I've done that.", the elder stated simply, releasing his luckily not broken nose and sitting down more comfortably on the teen's futon.

Mikado didn't know what stunned him most: the thing the raven just said or the casual tone he had stated it in.

_He really is a maniac after all. And a stalker. Great._

"W-What do you want?", he asked the informant, fighting the urge to just lay back down again, pull the blanket over his head and pretend the elder wasn't there in hope he would just disappear. Somehow he knew that wouldn't work, unfortunately.

Izaya just grinned his usual maniac grin and jumped to his feet before offering the irritated and sleepy teen a hand.

"Get up. We're going out to eat."

"What? Why that all of a sudden? I just had to eat breakfast at your place, isn't that enough?!", the brunette complained as he was pulled out of the fluffy warmth of his futon and ushered to his wardrobe.

"Mikado, that was 10 hours ago. You slept through the whole day. Just take a look outside.", the raven declared while rummaging through the boy's drawers and tossing clothes at him as if he knew the contents by heart. A suspicion started to rise in the brunette that this really wasn't the informant's first time in his apartment.

Mikado risked a look out of the window, and really, it was already pitch black outside, the street lights shining in from outside were the only source of light except for the weak light bulb hanging from the ceiling in his apartment.

"I get it, I get it. But that still doesn't explain what you are doing here.", the young gang leader mumbled, gathering the clothes the elder tossed to him in his arms.

Izaya turned back around to him with a smirk, eyes glinting in amusement as if he was thoroughly enjoying this whole situation.

"You don't have any food in the fridge and spent all of your money for this month when you were drinking in that bar. I have to make sure you don't stave, after all. So I'm taking you out for dinner. Now hurry up and get dressed.", the raven declared in a tone that didn't leave room for protest. After a few minutes of feeble silent glaring, Mikado decided that fighting back was futile, sighing in defeat.

"F-Fine. Turn around."

Izaya just blinked at him in disbelief. "Mikado, I saw you naked the whole time last night. We had  _sex_  and you are still embarrassed about  _changing_  in front of me?"

The brunette just blushed adorably, glaring the elder from under long eyelashes. "J-Just shut up and turn around."

The informant chuckled amused, turning his back to the teen eventually. "So cute."

"..Idiot."

-xxx-

Mikado really wondered what he was doing here, sitting across a smiling raven-haired informant at a table in Russia Sushi, with the elder forcing pieces of fish and rice in his mouth and commanding him to eat it. The only good thing though was that they had managed to get a plate of Dennis' Sushi instead of the culinary experiments you'd normally receive from Simon-san. It tasted fantastic; so good that the brunette was tempted to moan. And he indeed was kind of hungry, seeing as he didn't eat anything the whole day and puked out the contents of his stomach this morning. But it wasn't as if he was going to show the raven how much he appreciated the chance to get something to eat, because that bastard was already smug enough as it was.

"How is your body?", the informant asked casually, taking a piece of otoro sushi on his chopsticks and popping it in his mouth.

Mikado flushed slightly at the question, thinking back on how he got his body into this condition.

"B-Better…", he mumbled flustered, eating another piece of sushi so he was spared from conversing any longer. He really couldn't imagine how this conversation could get any more awkward.

"Then let's have sex once we get back.", the raven declared simply, taking another piece of sushi.

Okay, the elder definitely managed to betray his expectations once more, the brunette thought as he was choking on a piece of tuna, face beet-red. Once he succeeded in swallowing down the food, he shot the informant a flustered and irritated glare.

"N-No thank you! I refuse!", he forced out somehow, wishing he could hide his flushed, embarrassed expression from the man's smug eyes.

"Why not? You enjoyed it, didn't you?", the elder mused with a small smile, resting his chin upon the palm of his hand.

"That's not the point here!", Mikado countered with a scowl, clueless as how to make an unreasonable guy like the raven understand the problem at hand. "I don't like you! So don't just waltz into my life as if you own me!"

The informant didn't reply right away to the brunette's outburst, instead just looked at him with an undefinable smile on his face, before finally speaking up slowly:

"Kida-kun called me this afternoon. He asked me, and I'm quoting him now ' _what sick game_ ' I would be playing and ' _what kind of freaking hypnosis_ ' I performed on you."

The teen's chopsticks fell slowly from the boy's trembling hands, eyes staring widely in disbelief and false expectation at the sly raven.

"M-Masaomi called..? A-And he asked about me..?", Mikado asked with shaking voice, azure eyes sparkling with naïve hope.

Izaya's smile turned into a scowl, eyes getting colder.

"Just listen to yourself. You are pathetic."

The brunette opened his mouth to come up with a retort, but then he closed it again, lowering his eyes on the table.

"I know. You think I don't know that?", he mumbled with a small smile, looking at his hands, clenching them into fists.

"Why are you so hung up on this guy? Even after he left you like that?"

The smile on the young gang leader's face turned bitter, still not lifting his gaze.

"Because I love him."

-xxx-

He wasn't sure how long they sat there in silence; none of them speaking a word, not exchanging glances. It was a heavy silence, but it was also somehow comforting.

The informant didn't judge him, didn't force him to talk, didn't try to comfort or convince him. He was just  _there_.

To Mikado, that was already more than enough. Their stupor was only broken by Simon-san walking up to them and explaining in his horrible accented Japanese that Russia Sushi was closing now and that they had to leave. Like in a trance, the quiet student followed the raven as they slowly walked through the barely-lit streets of Ikebukuro, away from the busy streets to the dark alleys which led to the brunette's apartment. None of them spoke a word, but Mikado felt as though the informant wanted to say something. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it, though, so he didn't ask.

When they arrived at the steps that led up to the run-down apartment the student inhabited, Izaya grabbed the brunette's arm suddenly and forced the teen to look at him.

"Remember what you promised me, Mikado.", the raven whispered quietly, but resolute. The blank, bitter expression the boy had on his face since their conversation in Russia Sushi was starting to worry him. All of a sudden, the look on the brunette's face turned stern and somehow irritated; grabbing a hold of the elder's collar he yanked the man down until their faces were at eye level, hissing quietly:

"If you don't want me to hurt myself, then you will have to take responsibility."

Before the man could even process the meaning behind the young gang leader's words he was dragged into the apartment by the smaller male.

-xxx-

The street lamp outside the window stained the otherwise completely dark room a sickish artificial twilight, as Mikado rolled his hips down on the informant's erection while he was straddling the man. The light was reflected by the brunette's fair, pale skin and made it almost look like it was glowing; those azure depths clouded by a mixture of pain, pleasure, self-disgust and tears, turning them a color like the sea on a stormy night.

"You look beautiful.", muttered the raven below the teen, running his hands slowly up the boy's naked thighs.

"Stop saying nice things.", Mikado growled in response, face twisting in agony as he kept riding the informant's hard length without any sort of preparation or lube. He needed this sort of scorching pain; it reminded the broken teen that he was still alive, that he could feel something else except for the aching numbness of his heart.

Izaya just chuckled quietly, placing his hands on the brunette's slim hips and guiding the boy in a slower, gentler rhythm, much to the now sobbing teen's distress.

"Do you want me to verbally abuse you, too?", he whispered, one hand remaining at the smaller male's waist while the other cupped the boy's face to wipe away some of the tears.

Mikado didn't respond, instead just ground his hips down harder on the raven's arousal, wincing from the sharp pain it earned him while still being unable to suppress a pleasure-filled groan.

"Such a hopeless masochist.", Izaya smirked, licking away the brunette's salty tears from his fingers.

All of a sudden, he grabbed the teen's slim hips rather harshly and thrust his hips upwards into the tight heat engulfing him, drawing a pained yelp from the boy, who had trouble keeping himself up; the hands which propped the teen up rested on the informant's chest, fingernails digging into the raven's unmarred skin as he rocked his hips in rhythm with the other's thrusts; soaring pain shooting all the way up his spine; a throbbing, scorching sensation spread in his insides as he failed to keep his voice down; a pathetic mix of sobs and moans spilling from his lips.

"You are such a dirty whore, Mikado-kun. Getting aroused like that even though I'm fucking you dry.", the raven purred huskily, taking in the image of the vulnerable, broken teen; small frame bouncing up and down with his thrusts, face flushed from lust and pleasure, cheeks streaked with tears, glistening like silver in the dark room.

A weak whimper escaped Mikado's mouth when he felt the pain in his backside slowly fade and instead be replaced by burning pleasure, head spinning with the hard pounding in his abused entrance. Biting his lower lip in restraint, the teen rolled his hips forward, gasping loudly as a hot white searing wave of pleasure washed over him when the raven's hard arousal penetrated him even deeper and pressed against the spot that made him see stars.

"Hnnggh..I-Izaya…r-right there..", the brunette begged, eyes squeezed shut in excitement, shiver running down his spine when the raven complied to his request and concentrated on this spot, strong hands sliding from their position on the boy's hips back to cup the brunette's buttocks roughly, groping and massaging them in a way that made Mikado moan wantonly and push his hips down even more eagerly.

"A-Ahhhnn…y-yes…ooh godddd…", the teen gasped, clenching around the raven's hard hot erection with every thrust, a coiling sensation building in the pit of his stomach as he felt himself get closer and closer…

"God, you are so lewd…my sweet little Mikado-chan.", the informant groaned in pleasure, using his ab strength to push himself up in a sitting position, toppling the small brunette over.

"H-Hey..! What are you..-", the teen protested, but got cut off by the raven grabbing hold of his ankles and place them over the man's shoulders, before burying himself deep in the brunette again, the new position allowing him to both go deeper and harder.

"GGhhnn..g-god yess…harder..!", Mikado whimpered, one hand clawing the tatami mat beneath him while the other arm was thrown over his eyes, before he clenched his hand into a fist and bit down on it, stifling his loud moans so he wouldn't wake up the neighbors eventually.

Izaya gritted his teeth, giving a low feral groan as he picked up the pace of his thrusts, one hand gripping the teen's thigh for leverage while the other tugged, twisted and pinched one of the boy's cute nipples which were hard and erect with neglect and apparently hyper-sensitive, judging by the brunette's sudden thrashing, shivering and moaning, back arching to meet the informant's touch.

"Does my little Mikado like it when I toy with his nipples like that~? What a dirty, horny slut you are."

The young dollars leader was so far gone in the pleasure that he barely could get out coherent sentences, locking his ankles behind the elder's neck while whimpering and writhing wantonly, approaching his climax rapidly with every thrust against his prostate and pinch of his nipples. Just a little..just a little bit more…

Suddenly the raven's hand met his cheek painfully, slapping the teen harshly.

"I asked you something, whore.", Izaya purred with a sly grin and a predatory glint in his crimson eyes that send lustful shivers down the young students spine.

"Y-Yes…hn…I like it…aaahnn! I like it very much! Ggaahnnn…", Mikado gasped out between moans, the stinging pain on his cheek and the condescending tone in which he was addressed in send his already leaking erection into over-drive.

"Open your mouth and stick out your tongue.", the informant commanded, voice already slightly strained from exertion and pleasure; he slipped a hand in between their bodies to wrap around the small teen's neglected erection while simultaneously thrusting harder, deeper and faster into the drooling mess beneath him.

Mikado's eyes practically rolled back in his head at the dual stimulation, already feeling the sweet rush of orgasm in the pit of his stomach. Whimpering wantonly, he parted his quivering lips and slowly stuck out his tongue. A small surprised noise escaped the back of his throat when his body was bent while the elder leaned down to wrap his skilled tongue around the teen's in a messy open-mouthed kiss.

Sucking on the wet appendage in a way he knew made the young gang leader go insane, he rubbed the head of the brunette's straining erection fast while his thrusts got faster and more erratic as both males rushed to their orgasms. Izaya released his seed deep inside the boy's twitching and clenching walls, while Mikado climaxed to the feeling of the informant's hot seed filling him up completely, calling out the man's name over and over.

The auburn eyed male rode their orgasms out with a few more lazy thrust, before withdrawing from the teen's abused, sore entrance, letting himself fall on the tatami mat next to the gasping, spent teen.

"Feel better now?", the raven whispered tenderly, slender fingers brushing through the boy's damp spiky locks affectively, marveling how stunning the azure of the young gang leader's eyes looked when they were glowing in the aftermath of the orgasm.

"Stop making this look so romantic…", Mikado replied quietly, voice hoarse from crying out the informant's name.

"Why~?", the elder chuckled, pressing a gentle kiss on the exhausted teen's shoulder.

"Because it isn't. I'm just using you.", the brunette muttered, turning his head away from the raven's crimson gaze.

"I know.", Izaya replied simply, rolling on the side so he was facing the lying boy next to him and propped himself up on an elbow. "But I don't mind.", he smiled mysteriously.

Mikado looked at the handsome madman with a puzzled glare, brow furrowed adorably in confusion while he struggled to maintain a cold and distanced front. Obviously, he failed miserably.

"You're such a weird guy.", he mumbled, staring up to the ceiling.

Izaya just chuckled at his response. "Love can indeed be weird in many ways."

"Idiot. You don't know anything about love.", he growled back weakly, too tired to actually sound angry.

"Then why don't you teach me?"

"…"

Mikado closed his eyes slowly, letting the exhaustion and tiredness of the aftermath take his body over, breath going slow and steady.

"Love..is not that easy.", he repeated quietly what he had told the other male before, not bothering to open his eyes as he felt sleep slowly taking over his body.

"You humans are really complicated.", Izaya whispered softly, before pressing a kiss on the soundly sleeping teen's temple.

-xxx-

When Mikado woke up, he was tucked neatly under the covers of his futon. Stirring slowly and stretching with relish, the teen let out a long yawn, shielding his sleepy eyes from the bright sunlight attacking them.

"Good Morning, Sunshine~", an annoyingly familiar voice chirped before a pair of lips suddenly were pressed upon his.

Flushing a bright red, the brunette brought up his knee to kick the informant on top of him in the stomach, eliciting a pained gasp from the raven.

"Miikadooo…That really hurt, you know?", Izaya whined, straightening up with a pout.

"W-What the hell do you think you're doing..?", the Raira student hissed flustered, hand covering his lips.

"Why, I kissed you.", the elder stated as a matter of fact.

"And what the heck gave you the idea I would want you to do that..?!", the teen growled, trying to stand up but only managing to crawl out of bed on all fours due to the soaring pain in his backside.

"Hm, maybe the fact that it was you who pulled me into your apartment last night and kissed me while putting your hands on my-", the raven mused with a raised eyebrow, but was interrupted by a profoundly flustered and embarrassed teen.

"I get it, I get it!", Mikado cut off the raven before the man could go any more into detail. "But what are you still doing here? I told you that I am just using you!"

A wide grin spread on the informant's features before he bent down to pick up the grouchy boy bridal style and carried the struggling and protesting teen into the small kitchen.

"I am Orihara Izaya. I don't let myself get used that easily. And if my favorite play toy is broken, it's only natural that I will try to fix it."

"What the hell is that supposed the mean?", Mikado asked puzzled, trying to not enjoy the feeling of being carried around like a princess, because he was guy god dammit! This was not supposed to feel even half as good as it did.

"Mm, nothing.", the elder hummed, finally setting the teen back down again, but still keeping a hand on the boy's waist in case the brunette's shaky legs would give in.

"You're weird.", Mikado simply muttered in response, a slight flush dusting his cheeks when he realized he was practically naked safe for his underwear; and the raven's hand resting on his naked waist felt much too intimate.

"I bought some breakfast, so you better eat it.", the informant stated resolutely, pulling out some convenience store foods out of a plastic bag.

"What the hell is wrong with you, trying to make me eat all the time..?", the brunette complained, trying to shrug the man's hand off that was holding his waist, but was only tugged closer by the taller male as result.

As response, the informant simply pinched the skin of the boy's flat stomach, earning a small yelp from the student. "Just look at you, you are just skin and bones! If you don't start eating regularly you will collapse one day."

Flustered, Mikado tried to bring some space between himself and the raven again. "Stop behaving like you're my babysitter!", he growled irritated, pushing against the taller male's body in order to get out of the man's grip, but the elder simply took a hold of the boy's wrists and pinned them over the brunette's head against the cupboard.

"I will, if  _you_  stop behaving like a baby that needs to be looked after. All you ever did after Kida-kun left was cry and sleep, seriously.", Izaya muttered irritated, but loosened his grip on the teen's wrists when he saw the guilty look that flashed over Mikado's features at his words.

"How.. did you know?", the brunette asked quietly, averting his gaze from those piercing crimson orbs.

The informant simply grinned in response. "The cameras, remember?", he said with a wink, chuckling when the boy's azure eyes widened and a bright red blush spread on the teen's face. Laughing, the raven dodged the punch aimed at him.

"You-…! You're sick, you know that?!", Mikado shouted after the informant who had skipped to the door, giggling.

"I know~!", the elder declared cheerily, turning around a last time before he left, blowing the flustered and infuriated brunette a kiss. "But this is why you like me, right?"

_Something must be wrong with him. Something was seriously wrong with him; because right now, he really felt like smiling._


	2. Chapter 2

When the person you love leaves without a word, without a goodbye, without knowing your feelings…you are heart-broken, right?

Something definitely was broken.

_It hurts; hurts so much. Make it stop, make it stop, someone please just…_

Something definitely hurt.

_It hurts, I don't want to think…_

A broken heart hurts. So the pain must be coming from within, from his heart. But-…

… _why…?_

Why was there only emptiness in his heart?

Maybe it was just…

..the emptiness that hurt.

-xxx-

Mikado had been skipping school for about 3 days now. He didn't really feel bad about it. Not like it really mattered anymore. He spent his time lying on his futon and staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes. The last of tears had eventually dried out, but not because the teen was starting to feel better. It seemed more like with every hour that passed with the boy lying there in silence all life and emotion seemed to fade from him. Just lying there, not allowing himself to think.

He was trying to not think at all, but his mind would still take him to the same trail again sooner or later.

He was so pathetic. Even now, all that was on his mind was Kida Masaomi. How often did the other teen still try to contact him, after he had told him in their last phone call to  _fuck off_ …?

Did he even try at all?

It seemed like his world had been reduced to the blonde, amber-eyed boy. His laughter, his scent, his warmth, the sound of his voice…

It hurt to think about it, but he still clung to those memories desperately, because they made him feel somehow alive.

Sighing deeply, Mikado turned to his side and picked up his cell phone to look at the display. Spending his days passively like that made the brunette lose track of time and he was quite surprised to find it was already afternoon. He felt a faint pain in his stomach, probably from hunger since the teen hadn't taken in any food for nearly three days now. It was too much of a bother anyway.

He noticed the blinking symbol on his cellphone indicating he had some missed phone calls. Lazily, he scrolled through the list of callers, but since he deleted all his contacts, he could only guess that some of them belonged to Sonohara-san and the rest probably to his mother. Luckily, he had blocked Masaomi's number completely from his cell instead of just deleting it, because he would recognize the hyperactive blonde's cell number anyway, and then he might feel tempted to pick up, just to hear his best friends voice once more…

No, that was a bad idea now. He didn't want to ruin the last bit of relationship he still had to the blonde by acting clingy or pathetic. Masaomi was probably still mad at him because of their small argument from last time. The memory of what had caused it made his cheeks burn slightly in shame, and the teen was remotely surprised that he still had enough emotion left in him to feel embarrassed.

How long would he still be able to feel emotions like that?

He hated thinking about Masaomi because the feeling of being rejected and discarded like that was almost unbearably painful.

But what felt even worse was not feeling anything at all. It makes you forget you are still alive.

Maybe this was why he had become such a masochist.

No matter how much he searched his heart, he couldn't find anything there. Affection, joy, happiness..those feelings had left him long time ago. With Masaomi leaving, his last hope of feeling love had disappeared as well. He had thought that maybe he could at least still hate someone: Masaomi, Saki, Orihara Izaya or even himself. But the concept of strong feelings like love or hate seemed so absurd to him right now, he felt like an emotionless robot.

Pain was the only thing left to feel for him. It make him feel human, made him remember he was still alive.

Maybe it was better to leave this world while he still could feel something…

The gang leader turned on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. Slowly, without really thinking about what he was doing, he started banging his head against the ground, harder and harder, the pillow softening the impact of his forehead with the hard tatami mat. Yet it was still enough to hurt and make the teen feel dizzy after a few seconds.

Oh yes, that was it. When something was hurting, he could concentrate on the pain, instead on the sickening emptiness he felt within. But the pain on his forehead as well as the dizziness were starting to fade away…

An agonized sob escaped the brunette's lips, but there were no tears left to shed, yet he wanted to cry loudly and shout, wanted to feel something else except for the numbing sadness. He clawed at his chest, where it was aching, aching in a way much worse than physical pain. Not minding anything anymore, the boy quickly crawled out of bed and scrambled to his feet; as if in a haze, he stumbled through the small apartment, not knowing where his feet led him until he found himself in the kitchen, and why was there a knife in his hand?

What was he supposed to do with a knife now-… _oh_.

Of course. It was so easy. There were so many possibilities to end his miserable state; the answer had been  _right in front of him_  all the time. He could choose from so many ways to do this, and all of them would eventually lead to the end of this nightmare he was currently living through, while at the same time providing wonderfully distracting pain.

It was  _so easy._

The teen heard a quiet, maniac chuckle and it took the brunette a while to realize it was him who was laughing like a madman right now.

His mind was empty except for the thrilling feeling of being so close to  _escape;_ escape this torture and let's be serious here, who would even miss him?

His last memories would be of scorching, excruciating pain and at least he would  _feel_.

Now, which way should he do this?

He would really love to just stab the long, sharp knife into his abdomen, twisting it in his entrails until he would be vomiting blood…

_Sweet pain, so good, so agonizing, so distracting…._

That would certainly be a death painful enough to please him, but there was a chance he might scream or make other noises that would call his neighbors, and he didn't want to take a risk.

He settled for simply cutting his wrists instead.

_Need to make it hurt, make it hurt…_

A memory of the last day peaceful day he had spent with Masaomi flashed through his mind.

' _Good bye, Masaomi'…You never gave me the chance to say that to you in person. I really wish I could have seen you one last time…_

An unwanted memory made its way into his thoughts; a memory of piercing crimson eyes hovering above him, while a hot breath tickled his skin and the pale moon light bathed them in silver…

Mikado shook his head quickly to get the image out of his head. _None of that matters anymore.._

Just as he put the cold, sharp edge of the blade against his pale skin, he heard a loud knocking on the door.

"RYUUGAMINE MIKADO?! THIS IS THE POLICE; PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!"

_You gotta be kidding me._

-xxx-

It had taken the teen full 30 minutes to explain to the police officers at his door that he was, in fact, in no danger at all and that the phone call they received was simply a prank by a childish psychopath who liked to mess with others. When he was finally able to close the door behind the leaving officers, he leaned against the wood with an exhausted sigh. His eyes slipped longingly to the sharp knife still lying on the kitchen counter, but he quickly gave up on that idea again.

It didn't matter if there was a crazy stalker trying to keep him from committing suicide; somehow Mikado knew that even if Orihara Izaya wouldn't interfere, something else would. As if he wasn't made to suffer enough already…

Life was so bothersome, really. And Mikado was tired, so tired of it.

-xxx-

Saki sat silently on the couch, her light grey eyes following the pacing of her upset boyfriend who had been restless muttering to himself for the last few hours, while he effortlessly tried to call someone. Finally, the faux-blonde stopped in his tracks and turned to face the teenage girl with a helpless expression on his face.

"Saki-chan, what am I supposed to do?! Mikado just hung up on me and now I can't reach him anymore, he isn't picking up!"

Saki didn't even get the chance to respond anything, or to ask about the contents of the message Masaomi had received from her mentor that had made her boyfriend so furious and worried, before the hyperactive teen started rambling again.

"I didn't mean to shout at him like that…it's just..I was worried , y'know! He was probably…! Argh, I don't even want to think about it! And now Izaya, that bastard, performed some kind of hypnosis on him or whatever, I don't know, but that's not my Mikado anymore! Mikado would  _never_  curse and he certainly wouldn't willingly do.. _t-that_ …especially not with Orihara Izaya!"

Saki could just barely suppress a soft smile as her mind set together the pieces of information she had filtered out from Kida's ranting.

Apparently,  _he_  had found himself a new play thing. Saki wasn't even sure if that picture (even though she didn't see the contents she could guess) was supposed to just tease the poor, irritated Yellow Scarves leader or if it was an attempt to demonstrate possessiveness over this new toy, which was very typical behavior of her mentor. He could be such a child sometimes.

"That's it! I'm going to call that bastard now!", Masaomi ripped her out of her thoughts as he dialed a number on his cell phone, continuing the restless pacing again as he waited for the other party to pick up.

This whole scheme of fleeing Ikebukuro together with Masaomi – it had all been planned by Orihara Izaya, too. Like everything she did, it was simply an order to be obeyed, but it wasn't like she particularly minded being a chess piece in the complex game of this twisted mastermind who was almost a god and a father figure at the same time to the teenage girl.

She had the blonde teen trapped in a net of false love confessions and guilt; and Masaomi had stumbled into it like a lost lamb. Saki knew he would never leave her. He left his family, his home, his friends behind just to be with her.

 _This has to be love, right?_  A small chuckle escaped her lips accidentally, but it went unnoticed by the infuriated teen who was shouting accusations at her mentor over the phone, getting more and more irritated by the second. She would have to soothe him later.

"Oh I swear to you Izaya, if you hang up now I'm coming back to Ikebukuro to murder you personally!", Kida raged before suddenly going quiet, a guilty expression flashing over his face at something the informant must have said to him.

"It's not like it could have been helped…", the teen whispered quietly, suddenly seeming keen on ending the phone call himself.

"Just…just leave him alone, okay? He's going through a lot even without you playing your sick mind games with him..", the teen hissed, before getting cut off by the other male. There was a short pause before the young gang leader spoke up again.

"I don't know…I mean, I don't know the details, but.."

Another pause.

"He was already acting strangely before I left, you can't just blame it all on me!"

Kida seemed to be torn between guilt and anger, and the struggle could be seen on his face evidently. It was quite entertaining to watch for the teenage girl, really.

"Well..no, but…He said he needed to talk to me about something. But we didn't really get the chance to talk before..well.."

Kida went quiet again, before suddenly getting much louder than before.

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean now? Hey! Don't hang up now- Oi, Izaya!"

Gritting his teeth in anger, the blond stared at the device in his hand, the other obviously having hung up on him. Slowly, Masaomi turned around to his girlfriend again, who had been watching the scene quietly.

"Ne Saki-chan…what should I do now?"

-xxx-

In the darkness of his room, hid under his blanket like an animal during hibernation, Ryuugamine Mikado waited for his life to pass by, the only source of light coming from his cell phone display.

The teen himself didn't know for how long he had been lying like this, staring on the only name left in his contact list. It might have been over a day, maybe just a few hours. Not like it mattered anyways.

**-Izaya-**

The informant hadn't even bothered putting his full name when he had saved the number into the teen's contacts.

For a moment his finger hovered on the call-button, but he quickly pulled it back. He doubted the other would call the police again anytime soon, so he was safe for now. There was really no need for him to call the older male. What would he tell him anyway? He had nothing to say, especially not to that creepy, annoying stalker who thought he could make messing with the teen's life his new pastime activity or whatever.

He had no reason to call the informant. But why did he still feel to sudden urge to do so?

He needed to hear someone's voice, the silence was agonizing, all he could hear were his own thoughts, and man, being all by himself the teen realized that he certainly wasn't entertaining company.

Before Mikado even processed what happened, he already found himself pressing the dial button.

If the brunette thought the silence was agonizing, it was nothing compared to the dialing tone he was hearing now. It made the time stretch endlessly, and even if it probably didn't take more than two minutes for the informant to answer his phone, it felt like at least two hours to the instable teen.

" _Mikado…?"_

The brunette opened his mouth to answer, but found himself unable to speak, the silence stretching on for a few minutes until the informant seemingly got impatient.

" _Mikado? Are you going to talk to me now or not?"_ , the smooth voice coming from his cell phone teased, but the teen still didn't answer. What was he even doing, calling  _that guy_?

Another 30 seconds passed with the teen not saying anything, but for some reason the information broker didn't hang up and just kept talking.

" _Fine, if you don't want to talk to me, I will do the talking. I'm really mad at you, you know that? You promised me something, Mikado-kun."_

The older male's voice sounded surprisingly sincere as he was scolding the teen, almost accusing, instead of his usual teasing tone.

_Promise? Is he talking about me not trying to hurt myself? Or that I should call him every day?_

He kind of broke both of those promises, yet he didn't expect the man to actually inform the police, like he said he would.

Finally, almost too quietly for the raven to pick it up over the phone, the young teen replied with a slightly hoarse voice.

"I didn't think you'd really call the cops…"

The small, melodious chuckle he heard the other male give made the brunette's heart beat slightly faster, and for some reason, this fact made the teen confused and irritated.

" _Other than you, I stay true to my words."_

Hearing those words hurt Mikado in a strange way; maybe it was the irony of the fact that all the people he ever put trust in had let him down in the end, yet the sick, manipulative bastard, who never did anything but mess around, became the most reliable person to the teen.

"You're still a creepy stalker…", the brunette mumbled in reply, pressing the cell phone close to his face.

" _So mean, Mikado-kun! I'm sincerely trying to look out for you here!"_ , the informant whined playfully, but his tone soon switched back to serious.

" _Come over to my place."_

Mikado's finger's gripped the device in his hand tighter for a second, his knuckles turning white.

Going over to that guy's place again? Was that really such a good idea? He'd probably get told some stuff he didn't want to hear, what reassurance did he have that the informant would not try to mentally break him while he was this vulnerable? He tried to commit suicide not too long ago. This was definitely not the best mental condition to be in when going to see a sadistic puppeteer of an information broker who liked to regard people as mere chess pieces.

_I want to see him._

Mikado couldn't get that thought out of his head, no matter how hard he tried. It was a bad idea alright, but that wouldn't be the first time he made that mistake, he already became more involved with the raven haired male than he could have ever imagine, how much worse could it get?

The brunette was ripped out of his thoughts by the other male's voice calling out to him.

" _Mikado? Are you still there?"_

The young gang leader just made an affirmative noise, not having found his voice yet.

" _Come over. I'll leave the door unlocked, so you can just come in."_

Mikado still remained quiet, a trembling hand clutching the fabric of shirt just over his chest, feeling his heart beat in a jittery, out-of-rhythm way. He didn't want any company while being in this pathetic state, but he simply couldn't stand the loneliness any longer.  _Damn that Izaya for pretending he cares, when I know he doesn't. He doesn't, he definitely doesn't._

He kept repeating those lines to himself in his head, yet the word the informant uttered softly before hanging up hit him like a hammer.

" _Please."_

-xxx-

 _What am I even doing here..?_ , Mikado thought to himself, standing in front of the informant broker's apartment door. Two hours had already passed since their phone call and the teen was sure the raven had already given up on waiting for him, if he had even expected him to come in the first place. The man could be out working or already asleep by now. The latter wasn't all that unlikely considering it was already two in the morning, yet he stood here, unsure whether to knock, simply walk in or better turn around and go back home. Swallowing down a lump in his throat, he tried pushing against the heavy door as test, and to his surprise it really swung open.

Deciding to discard the remnants of his rationality at the threshold, the teen finally stepped inside. There wasn't any noise to be heard in the apartment, but the lights were switched on; taking off his shoes and leaving them by the door, the brunette proceeded quietly inside. He hadn't taken any time to look around during his last visit (he had been busy doing other things), but this time he inspected the informant's living quarters more closely. The rooms were as cold and sterile as before, but something certainly was different this time around. Mikado noticed it as he was quietly making his way through the living room; the floor was scattered with several documents and paper files. Knowing very well what kind of work the raven did, he didn't dare to look at them closer in fear of getting some information he didn't want to acquire and that would have him targeted by yakuza.

The sound of typing reached his ears and for a second the boy was startled, having forgotten about the apartment's owner being present as well. He proceeded slowly to the large dark desk, at which he found the handsome raven haired male working in the glow of his computer screen; too engrossed in his work to notice the teen's entrance, or simply pretending not to notice him, Mikado didn't know. There was a wrinkle on the man's forehead and a displeased frown on his features as he typed away at his keyboard, eyes glued to the screen.

Mikado stopped a few feet away from the desk and watched the raven do his work, waiting for a reaction from the other male. It really seemed like the elder hadn't noticed his presence yet, so the brunette decided to approach the man, sneaking around the desk and putting his arms around the informant from behind and putting his weight slightly on the man's back in something that could almost count as a hug.

A small smile tugged at his lips when he indeed felt the raven jump slightly beneath his body, before turning his head as best as he could to look at the teen.

"Sorry I didn't notice you entering; I was busy handling a small problem with a client here.", the man smiled, his crimson eyes glinting as he looked up to the standing teen behind him, whose face was hovering inches above his. Maybe it was just Mikado's imagination but it felt like the elder was leaning into his almost-embrace, as if he was happy about the proximity and intimacy.

_No way in hell this could be the case. I doubt Orihara Izaya likes to cuddle…_

The teen thought quietly to himself, nodding absently as the informant excused himself for having to finish whatever he had been writing at the moment and resting his chin on the man's shoulder.

"I'll be done in a minute."

Mikado just hummed in agreement and looked at the informant's fingers as they rushed over the keys in almost inhumane speed. Several minutes passed with the two of them in that position, neither of them uttering a single word, Mikado just watching the man work. Was it strange to find someone's hands attractive? He really wondered how many women had already fallen prey to the raven's good looks despite his twisted personality. Probably more than he would like to think about. His eyes slid from the keyboard over the dark desk's surface that was full of papers and documents. He had lost his virginity on this very desk. The thought alone should embarrass him to death, yet the memory of the pain, the pleasure, the humiliation just made him feel…weird.

' _Horny' would be a more fitting word…_

Mikado corrected himself, realizing that he probably left his feeling of shame behind at the threshold as well together with his rational thinking, because before he even knew what he was doing, he was running his small, hot tongue along the soft skin of the raven's neck. The surprised shudder it earned him from the distracted male oddly pleased him, and he planted a kiss at the man's pulse, sucking softly on it as the raven had done to him occasionally before.

"Mikado…", the informant finally spoke up, his typing getting slower with longer pauses. His voice sounded slightly strained and Mikado decided to push his luck by letting his hand slide over the man's toned torso teasingly, while gently biting the raven's earlobe. The young gang leader felt his own breath go faster as he felt the attractive male shiver beneath his touch, and his face and body were getting hotter. The teen continued this game for some moments, enjoying the way he was throwing the usually so composed informant out of his concentration with his ministrations. The raven's skin tasted addictively sweet to the turned on boy, his lips kissing and his tongue licking every patch of skin he could reach in a teasing and slow manner, like enjoying an exquisite treat. The small noises he drew from the elder settled oddly within him and only served to spur on his own arousal even further. A strained growl from the raven was the only indicator that the informant's self-restraint had finally snapped.

A small surprised yelp escaped the brunette's lips when Izaya grabbed his wrist and guided the hand, which had been caressing the raven's chest playfully, down to his lap; making teen feel the hot hardness of his manhood. A needy moan escaped Mikado's lips at the action, he could feel the informant's erection so clearly through the fabric of the man's trousers and he felt his own pants get tighter, knees buckling.

"If you're going to touch me, do it properly.", the raven hissed hotly into the teen's ear with a mischievous smirk, still pressing the other's small hand to his erection. His work could wait. He certainly wasn't going to pass up this opportunity, especially if it was the brunette who had initiated it.

Mikado leaned heavily on the other male now, face flushed and breath hot and ragged; with trembling fingers he slowly undid the informant's belt and zipper, freeing the man's stiff, hot cock from the fabric's confines. His heart beat faster in excitement as his shy fingers explored the heated, hard flesh curiously. He gripped it with his hand carefully, much more careful than he needed to be, and started to stroke. Doing this to someone else was completely different than doing it to himself and that was a thing he hardly ever did, so his experience was close to zero. Concerned he might be doing something wrong, he continued his cautious ministrations, while at the same time getting strangely turned on by the act himself. His jittery fingers stroked up and down the elder's shaft and Mikado could feel the sexual desire swell within him, a hotness in his groin that made him gasp in need, rubbing his legs together to keep his aching arousal in check while doing to the informant's erect manhood what he wanted to be done on himself; rubbing the red, heated tip carefully because this action always made his vision go white from the pleasure, and really, it drew out a strangled moan from the raven. But still, it was hard to concentrate on the task with his face pressed into the crook of Izaya's neck like that because his scent was flooding the teen's senses and it was so arousing, the brunette couldn't help but moan breathily against the other's skin, his fingers trembling even more now. Eventually, the informant enclosed the teen's small hand with his, uttering an impatient noise.

"You suck at this, Mikado.", he breathed teasingly, guiding the boy's hand in its movements with his own, watching the teen gasp heatedly and lean even more unto the raven, his small frame was hunched so he was almost bent over the informant's lap completely.

Mikado let the other male guide his movements, the sensation of the elder's hot flesh against his palm felt alien yet strangely erotic, he could feel every vein on the others arousal and the memory of this large organ having entered him completely made his heart pound.

Just when did he become such a lewd, sex-crazy individual? Maybe it was due to the fact, that apart from pain, pleasure and lust were the only sensations left to make him feel alive.

A spark of pleasure, almost like electricity, shot through his body and made him gasp breathlessly as there suddenly was a hand between his legs, palming the aching bulge of his arousal lightly. He didn't even realize the elder's hand having left his, but now the informant was touching him where all the heat, lust and need had concentrated and it felt so heavenly, Mikado closed his eyes and muffled a moan in the raven's shoulder.

"A-aah..! Hnngh, Izaya…", he forced out, trying to keep himself from pressing his knees together to still the shaking of his knees, because no matter what, he didn't want the man to stop touching him; even though it had only been a few days, it felt like years to the teen since he last had been touched like that and it was addicting,  _so good_ , but yet not nearly enough to satisfy him.

He didn't want to resort to begging the elder so soon already, but as much as he tried he couldn't bring himself to care anymore, and god was it hard to concentrate; he knew if he would stop his own hand from moving the informant would be displeased and he didn't want Izaya to stop touching him too, but he could feel his own hand halt every now and then and his movements were becoming hasty and jittery again.

"Nggh..I-..Izaya..please..nhh..", he begged heatedly and breathlessly, not sure what precisely he was asking for anyway, but it didn't matter since Izaya decided to have mercy on the hopelessly horny teenager.

"Take off your pants and come here.", the elder commanded huskily, impatiently tugging the needy brunette into his lap roughly as soon as the boy had slipped his trousers and underwear down to his knees with shaky fingers and slipped out one leg. Izaya position the teen's knees on each side of his legs and brought their straining erection together without hesitation, enclosing them with his own hands, supporting the young gang leader with his other arm as the boy collapsed against his chest with a lustful whimper at the action.

They remained motionless in this position for a few seconds as both of them tried to catch their breath and Izaya tried to collect the remains of his self-composure. The brunette in his lap nuzzled his face into the other's neck like a cat asking for attention before bringing his trembling lips to the elder's ear and whining into it wantonly:

"G-god Izaya..hhn..you are so cruel..pl..ease do something already, I'm going insane..!"

The informant snickered slyly at his plea, but his voice sounded deeper and huskier than usual and the firm grip he had on the teen's erection, without moving his cursed hand even one bit made the boy groan in frustration, squirming slightly in the informant's lap.

"'Something'? You're being so vague again, Mikado-kun. I really do not know what to do if you don't tell me.", the devil in disguise teased the teen mercilessly, finally moving his hand and squeezing their erections together, sliding his fingers up and down cruelly slow, drawing a breathless, desperate moan from the brunette.

"Is  _this_ what you want me to do?", Izaya purred playfully, feeling the urge to chuckle when he felt the trembling teen nod frantically against his neck, barely able to suppress the moans spilling forth from his lips as the raven continued to send him to heaven with sweet, torturous strokes.

"Or do you maybe want me to touch you  _here_ too..?", the elder whispered into his ear hoarsely, sliding his unoccupied hand down the teen's back, sliding his cold fingers between the boy's buttocks, making the brunette jump startled with an endearing yelp that soon turned into an embarrassed, lustful whimper.

Izaya smiled quietly as he continued to tease the boy by prodding at the puckered entrance while quickening the pumping of their erections with his other hand, their heated, hard lengths sliding against each other, slickened up by the precum already leaking from the tip of the smaller male's erection.

" _Ahhhn..Izaya..hnn..Izaya..Izaya..!"_

The young gang leader continued to gasp the other's name breathily like a chant, his arms sliding around the raven's neck and clinging to him so desperately, it was quite untypical of the teen.

"Mikado..?", the informant whispered, a hint of concern in his voice.

" _P-please Izaya…I need you..I want you to fuck me hard.."_ , Mikado begged huskily, his hot and erratic breath hitting the elder's skin, but somehow the teen's voice didn't quite match his words.

He sounded so desperate, so at loss, as if he was about to cry.

Something had happened, and within seconds Izaya realized that the young Dollars leader just wanted to be  _held_ , but there was no way the teen would admit that to himself, so he fled himself into the sensation closest to it, which the informant himself had taught the formerly so innocent boy – lust.

Stopping his ministrations, the informant grabbed the teen by the shoulders, pushing him away gently so he could look into the brunette's face. Just as expected, and yet so unexpected, the boy's face was flushed and his eyes clouded with pleasure, but there was a look in those azure depths, so empty and so sad, it wrenched the raven's heart.

Taking a hold of the brunette's chin, he leaned in and kissed the boy slowly and gently. He could sense the teen's confusion and slight irritation in the sudden change of their pace; he knew the boy hated it when he was gentle with him, that he felt like he needed the roughness, the pain, the humiliation, the abuse. But Izaya wasn't going to have any of this anymore. Not tonight, when his favorite toy looked so unbelievably frail, like he might break at the slightest touch.

Pulling away slowly, he locked eyes with the puzzled and slightly resistant teen and whispered quietly:

"You're not going to have it your way tonight."

Mikado averted his eyes quickly, the denied pleasure and the awkwardness of the sudden intimacy making him tremble and his heart beat uncomfortably fast.

"W-What are you talking about..?", the teen inquired cautiously, the distinct fear of getting rejected gnawing at his insides.

Izaya smiled at the brunette slyly, while running his hand almost affectionately through the boy's dark locks. "It's simple. No pain, no abuse this time. And you'll look me in the eyes. Those are my conditions."

_What's deal with him now? Seriously, I don't get this guy at all…!_

Mikado thought almost sullenly to himself, feeling a sudden wave of embarrassment well up within him at the prospect of the sex being all gentle and  _intimate_. This wasn't what he signed up for when he started this sick affair, with the most twisted person known to him on top of all.

Yet he couldn't bring himself to say 'no', his heart thumping unbelievably fast.

Swallowing down the heavy lump in his throat, he buried his face in the crook of the informant's neck again, to hide from the man's piercing crimson gaze.

"W-Whatever. Do what you want..", he whispered, trying to sound nonchalant, but the nervousness was overly present in his voice.

"I will.", Izaya chuckled quietly, before gripping their erect members anew and resuming his stroking, this time picking up the pace, returning the brunette to a moaning and writhing mess once again. His thumb rubbed over the teen's sensitive head repeatedly, pleased at how a shudder shook the brunette's body at the action, accompanied by a whimpered moan.

"Hhnn..! G-godd..Izaya..please..stop teasing me..", Mikado gasped out, his vision turning white repeatedly. With each stroke he was feeling hotter and hotter; he didn't even realize he had unconsciously started moving his hips, desperately searching for more friction he bucked his hips to have his erection slide against the informant's hard length. It felt so good, for a short moment he forgot everything, all the dark thoughts and concentrated solely on the pleasure washing in waves over his body, soothingly, hot, burning. His arms still around the raven's neck, he threw his head back, eyes closed and lips parted with breathless gasps and moans, his back arching and hips thrusting. He was so close, and yet so far away from what he was craving, it wasn't still quite enough yet. As if the elder had read his thoughts, Mikado could feel the raven's long, slender fingers push into his mouth and without hesitation, the brunette parted his mouth further to invite them in, his hot tongue slicking against the digits that felt so oddly erotic, pushing in his mouth. He closed his soft lips around them and started sucking, not minding the saliva running down his chin; the man's fingers continued to slide against his soft tongue while the raven's other hand squeezed his erection in a way that made him almost double over in pleasure. The young gang leader moaned the informant's name repeatedly, cheeks flushed, eyes squeezed shut and brow furrowed in desperate need, but due to his mouth being occupied all that came out were incoherent noises. Finally, Izaya withdrew his saliva slick fingers from the boy's mouth and before the brunette even processed what was happening, the wet digits were already prodding at his entrance, making the teen twitch and tremble in anticipation.

Slowly, almost mockingly so, the first finger pressed into him, bringing about an alien sensation that made the teen feel the pleasure from Izaya pumping his cock all the more. Lust clouded azure eyes fluttered open slowly as he peeked curiously at the informant's face, only inches apart from his. A bolt of lust and embarrassment shot through his body at finding the man's gleaming auburn eyes fixated on him firmly, their eyes locking and making the brunette unable to look away.

 _H-Has he been staring at me the whole time like that…?_ , the teen thought panicked and felt all of a sudden extremely embarrassed, wanting to hide his face from the other male, hide the odd expressions he was making, but he simply couldn't turn his head away and now there was another finger inching into him; Mikado could feel his face warp in an expression torn between pleasure and slight discomfort and he quickly bit his lower lip to stop the moans from escaping his throat. All he could do was whimper helplessly while the raven watching him so intensely made him feel everything much more clearly.

Bit by bit, the informant's fingers were entering him and stretching him slowly, preparing him much more carefully and thoroughly then during their last times, the slight pain and discomfort fading into mind numbing pleasure much too soon and Mikado found himself unconsciously pushing back on the man's fingers, wanting them deeper inside him, but it wasn't enough, it was far from enough.

His blue pleasure hazed eyes were begging the elder wordlessly to be taken already, a needy whimper being all the teen was able to force out.

"You're so impatient.", whispered Izaya against the brunette's temple, kissing it gently before slowly withdrawing his fingers, a smile tugging at his lips at the displeased noise the boy uttered at the loss.

"Hold onto me, okay?", the informant said, before standing up from the office chair carefully; with the teen holding unto his neck and the boy's legs around his waist, he carried the brunette over to the black leather couch standing in the middle of the living room, because there was no way his office chair would withstand the things he planned to do to the young Dollars leader now. The second Mikado's back touched the leather of the couch, the elder's hot, rock hard length was sliding into him without warning, making the teen tighten the hold his legs had on the man's waist, his hands helplessly clawing at the raven's broad back as he was penetrated agonizingly slow; while with less resistance than their other times, the informant's length inched only slowly into the teen's tight heat, stretching the boy's insides slightly painfully. Mikado had expected his body to be used to the raven's girth by now, but all his thoughts stopped once again at the astounding feeling of being filled so much. By the time the raven's length was finally buried completely inside him, Mikado could feel sweat running down his temple, his heart thumping away at a racy pace and his breath going quick and erratic. There was discomfort alright, but without the excruciating pain from being entered unprepared numbing him, he could feel the other male inside him so clearly it almost drove him insane. It pressed into him so hard, so hot, so  _deep_ ; unable to think anything, with his arms around Izaya's neck, he simply pulled the taller male on top of him, their bodies so close there wouldn't fit a sheet of paper between them, his legs around the informant's waist urging him on to  _move already_ , their foreheads pressed together, their breaths mingling and his gleaming ocean blue eyes begging for the same.

Closing his eyes with an impatient, lust-filled groan, the informant cursed:  _"Shit..you drive me insane, Mikado.."_ , before leaning in to kiss the young gang leader hungrily, giving up on his resolution to go easy on the brunette this night, because how could he stay calm when the boy was looking at him  _like that_?

A demanding tongue pushing past Mikado's kiss swollen lips and ravaging the teen's hot cavern; Izaya started thrusting into the hot, tight heat engulfing him, feeling the brunette squirm and writhe beneath him from the pleasure, the smaller male's hips moving to meet his thrusts, eager for the friction and penetration and he could tell the young gang leader was running out of breath from once again forgetting to breathe during their kiss, but he didn't want to pull away yet, his tongue pushing and tossing the other's wet muscle around in a passionate fight while he was slamming much harder and rougher into the boy than he had intended and the brunette's positive reactions really didn't help him to maintain his composure. Finally releasing the boy from their deep kiss before the teen would faint from the lack of oxygen, Izaya tugged at the teen's lower lip with his teeth, adoring how the boy's gasps for air mingled with pleasure filled moans and whimpers and the eventual cry of his name. There was nothing more erotic than hearing the young Dollars leader call out his name in a moment of ecstasy and complete loss of control.

"Hnn..a-ahh…! I-Iza..ya…ggn..d-deeper…please..!", Mikado begged gasping, head thrown back against the backrest of the couch, azure eyes barely open with small tears of restraint forming in the corners, a crimson flush spreading over the teen's cheeks and nose up to his ears. To Izaya, the teen was like a work of art, he felt like he could look at him all day and never bore of it.

"As you wish, Mikado-chan…", the raven purred dearly, a smirk tugging at his lips as he penetrated the gasping brunette even deeper, piercing the small male's prostate dead on, groaning at how it made the boy's inside tighten strongly around him, Mikado's mouth opening in a soundless gasp as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Izaya attempted to tug the teen's shirt off the boy's small frame, but no matter how much he tried, the brunette just wouldn't let go of his neck, clinging to him like a small child refusing to let go of his favorite toy. It was endearing really, but Izaya still got frustrated with the shirt being in the way of being able to touch the teen's skin, very annoyingly so; with an irritated growl he pulled the boy's shirt up and made the brunette bite on the hem, so it would be held up; while still mercilessly abusing the teen's prostate, he ran a hand over the warm, soft skin revealed, fingers rubbing an already erect nipple teasingly, bending his neck to lick and suck the other. Izaya could feel Mikado's nails claw into his shoulders and the teen breathlessly gasping and moaning his name, back arching to give the elder better access to his chest, the feeling of having those sensitive nerves teased pushed Mikado faster and faster towards the edge.

"G-gaahh..Izaya..t-that's too much..I..I can't..!", the young gang leader forced out, the hem of the shirt falling from his mouth, his head spinning and thoughts a mess, his whole body felt hot, so incredibly hot it was unbearable; it felt so good, so heavenly, yet it was torture, he needed more he was so close, so incredibly close..!

Izaya pressed his lips upon the teen's again, and again and again; the kisses much too sweet for the boy to handle, making him feel like he was melting on the inside. This felt wrong, it felt wrong that this felt so good.

And just with one sweet, lingering kiss Mikado felt his vision go white, his body burning up with hot searing, electrifying pleasure and all he could think of was one thing as he called out the informant's name gasping:

_I want to live._

-xxx-

Mikado didn't know how long they remained in that position on the couch, him lying on top of the informant with his head resting on the man's broad chest. He still felt out of breath and dazed from his orgasm, but the way Izaya's fingers were slowly running through his hair made his breathing calm down and a drowsiness taking over his body.

"Mhh..stop that, Izaya..", he muttered half-heartedly, feeling like he shouldn't give in to the man's affectionate gestures. They were just fake after all.

"Why? You seem to like it.", the informant whispered back with a smile, pressing a kiss to the brunette's forehead, noticing the slight blush on the teen's still flushed face.

"Mikado…", the raven spoke up again after a few moments of silence. "What you tried to do today…Don't ever do that again." His tone was surprisingly serious, almost scolding.

Mikado lifted his head from the informant's chest, looking into the raven's crimson eyes with an unreadable expression, but Izaya could catch a glimpse of the emptiness, the sadness he had noticed before in the teen's deep, azure eyes.

"It's none of your business, now is it?", the boy said with a cold voice, the words sounding much harsher than he intended, but he couldn't allow himself to feel sympathy for a man who was only using him as his new plaything. This was what he was to the informant, nothing more.

Pushing himself up on his elbows, Izaya looked down at the teen with a displeased frown.

"It is very well of my business. I won't let you push me away that easily."

Mikado just averted his eyes with a small scoff, his lips twisting in a bitter smile when he spoke the following words:

"Still..it is somehow ironic how  _you_  of all persons try to lecture me about trying to take my fate in my own hands."

Izaya raised an eyebrow at this. "Fate? What do you mean?", he inquired, but received no answer from the teen, who had rested his head back on the raven's chest. The raven frowned at the young gang leader ignoring him, bringing up a topic which he was sure would pique the teen's interest.

"Kida-kun called me again last night."

At those words, Mikado shot up straight, sitting up on the man's waist, hands propping him up on the man's chest. "M-Masaomi did..?", he asked with an desperate expression, voice shaking.

Now it was Izaya's turn to smile bitterly, trying to suppress his irritation at how the brunette only seemed to have thoughts for this good-for-nothing friend of his.

"Yes. Want to know what he said?", the informant asked, mustering the various expressions flashing over the smaller male's face at the inquiry.

Positive the teen would say yes, Izaya felt slightly taken aback when the boy suddenly shook his head, averting his eyes.

"I don't want to hear.", he whispered, more to himself than to the informant.

Izaya mustered the Dollars leader quietly, unable to let the issue go so simply.

"When you asked to talk to Kida-kun before he left, what did you want to tell him then?"

No answer. The teen just continued averting his eyes, face completely expressionless, but the way the boy's nails dug into his skin gave away how much this talk actually hurt the teen.

"Did you want to confess to him?", Izaya pressed on. He could tell Mikado didn't want to talk about it, but as an informant he just needed to know everything about the one human he became so engrossed with.

Once again, the boy didn't speak, but still it felt like the brunette was confirming his guess. But there was one thing Izaya was interested in knowing much more.

"Why now?" There was no way the teen could have predicted Kida leaving Ikebukuro, as it was a change in plans he only came up with in last second. Also, that wouldn't match with the boy's reaction at all; after all he had had a mental breakdown after Kida had suddenly left. So why did he so suddenly decide to confess his feelings?

There it was again, this strange bitter smile that looked so out of place on the teen's features. So devastated.

"I wanted to do it while I still had time.", Mikado muttered quietly.

Izaya wanted to ask what he meant by those words, but before he could utter anything he saw the brunette swaying slightly, collapsing against the raven's chest.

"Mikado?! Are you alright?"

The teen stirred, trembling hands trying to push his body up again. Thank god, he wasn't unconscious.

"Y-Yeah, I just blacked out for a bit…", the teen mumbled, sitting up again carefully, but being disturbed by the informant's hands sliding up his shirt suddenly.

"You didn't eat anything again, now did you?", Izaya scolded him, feeling up the boy's ribs; Mikado just looked away, muttering: "What are you, my mom?"

Izaya just sighed and shoved the brunette off his chest. "You are incorrigible." Fixing his and the boy's clothes, he pulled the gang leader up from the couch and led the protesting teen into the kitchen. Digging out some leftover food made by his housekeeper Namie, he handed it to Mikado with a scolding look.

"Eat it, or I'll feed it to you by force."

Wary of the raven's threat, the teen accepted the food with a pout, half-heartedly glaring the now smirking informant.

"You are so bothersome, really."

"Only for you, sweetheart.", the raven purred in reply.

-xxx-

Finally having succeeded in making the stubborn teenager take in some food, Izaya hugged the boy from behind as soon as he was finished, nuzzling the brunette's neck affectionately while ignoring the teen's protest and attempts to shove him away.

"Ne Mikado..You are hiding something from me, aren't you?", Izaya whispered against the teen's neck, expecting the boy to deny it, but instead he just went completely quiet.

"So what if I am..?", Mikado muttered after a while, almost too quietly for the informant to hear.

Izaya clicked his tongue displeased, tightening his grip possessively around the boy's waist, who had resumed his struggle once more. "I don't like the thought of you hiding things from me."

Mikado just scoffed at that, finally managing to turn around in the man's embrace, pushing against the raven's chest to put some distance between them.

"Don't make it sound like I have any obligations to you, you're not my boyfriend.", the young gang leader mumbled with a glare.

"I wish I was, though.", Izaya smiled softly, making a blush spread across the teen's face for a second, before the boy's expression turned bitter again, finally shaking the other male off completely, turning away from the man.

"If you really like me, then don't try to dig into my matters further."

The raven just let out a low chuckle at that, stepping closer to the boy again. "I'm an informant. Digging into people's personal matters is my occupation."

"Don't do it. Please.", Mikado whispered. He wanted to walk away from the informant, but a sudden wave of fatigue made him sway again, causing him to fall against the man behind him, who caught his fall.

"I think it's better if you stay over."

-xxx-

After several minutes of protest from the teen, Mikado finally gave in to the raven's will and was, much to the brunette's dislike, carried to the bedroom by the informant. After Izaya put the teen to bed, he stayed a while watching the young gang leader sleep, before returning to his computer.

Although the teen had insisted on him not making any further research on the brunette, Izaya just couldn't help wanting to find out what the other was hiding from him. It wasn't only his curiosity that led him to do so – something was obviously wrong with the Dollars leader.

Izaya knew him long and well enough to know that even when confronted with great setbacks, the boy didn't give up easily.

If he really loved that blonde imbecile as much as he claimed, why didn't he try to follow him? Why did he give up on trying to confess his feelings so quickly? Izaya just had to know.

Little did he suspect, that after a sleepless night full of research, he would stumble upon an answer he wished he'd never gotten.

The golden rays of the rising sun bathed the informant's office in a warm light, illuminating the lone figure of the raven sitting at his desk, hesitant to click on the one file he had spent hours on obtaining. The one file containing the answer to all his questions. Upon opening it, Izaya wished he had never tried to find out, as the answers he received made informant go cold and unable to move. Slowly, ever so slowly, the usually so calm and composed man buried his face in his hands. Only a careful observer would notice the slight trembling of the male's strong shoulders, as he muttered only one word.

" _Why..?"_

-xxx-

The sound of quiet footsteps broke the informant out of his daze, shocked crimson eyes looked up to see a small figure entering the room. He couldn't bear the look in those deep, azure eyes, as the teen said with an incredibly sad smile:

"You saw it, didn't you?"

Mikado's eyes were so empty, yet Izaya felt like he would drown in the sadness reflected in them.

" _Mikado…",_  the informant whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. Mikado faintly wondered why he sounded just as hurt as Mikado felt.

Averting his eyes, he laughed quietly and darkly. "Destiny is cruel sometimes, isn't it?"

All of a sudden, a loud crash could be heard. Upon looking up, he saw that Izaya had knocked the computer screen off the desk, teeth clenched in anger and despair.

The next thing Mikado knew was Izaya hugging him tightly, almost painfully.

Yet what hurt the most, were the words the informant uttered quietly, barely audible.

" _I don't want you to die."_

The man's statement sounded stubborn, almost childish.

Mikado smiled bitterly and for the first time in days, he felt tears well up in his eyes again, as he returned the raven's hug hesitantly.

Burying his face in Izaya's chest to not have to see the picture on the computer screen that the informant threw down.

The picture of his own CT scan staring back at him, mockingly.

That big white spot of the tumor in his brain seemed to be scorning him; looking like a parasite eating away at his very insides.

" _I don't want to die either."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued.


End file.
